New versions of old clichés

Beth Mende Conny of Write Directions and Lifenicity offers new versions of old clichés. No reason to avoid these in your writing!If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again — and then blame others.

What goes up must come down — when you run out of Xanax.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder — when that jerk is finally out of your life.

Always a bridesmaid, never the bride — which is fine given today’s divorce rate.

Get your ducks in order — then replace them with turkey breast, which is lower in fat.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence — because your neighbor uses pesticide.

Laugh all the way to the bank — because you know you’re overdrawn.

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones — neither should people who live in brick houses.

Separate the wheat from the chaff — unless you live in the city and have no idea what chaff is.

She’s a peach — but becomes an apple when peach season’s over.

He woke up on the wrong side of the bed — which was quite painful given his bed was against a wall.

You can’t judge a book by its cover — only by its inside flap.

Fly by the seat of your pants — right over to your chiropractor because you are seriously out of alignment.

Read the fine print — but only through rose-colored glasses.