A typical day in my life

Beth Mende Conny writes about her day, which includes activities like losing her memory and glasses, having hot flashes, crying jags and other middle-age endeavors.

The beginnings of my fun-filled day!

8:30 – 11:30 a.m.

Search for glasses

11:30 – 11:33
Hot flash

11:33 – 11:35
Change shirt

11:35 – noon
Eat breakfast

Noon – 1:15 p.m.
Search for glasses

1:15 – 1:16
Pretend to work

1:16 – 2:30
Check email, Facebook, Twitter, eBay, YouTube cat videos

2:30
Call Verizon about billing problem

2:30 – 3:30
Wait on hold; check email, Facebook; knit sweater

3:30 – 4:15
Explain problem to Verizon sales rep in Papua New Guinea

4:16
Give up

4:16 – 4:45
Eat lunch

4:45 – 5:15
Search for glasses, hot flash, change shirt

5:15 – 5:30
Micowave dinner

5:30 – 5:35
Eat dinner, converse with husband

5:35  – 7
Hang up on telemarketers

7  – 7:02
Turn on living room TV, walk to couch, sit on my glasses   

7:03 – 7:30
Cry

7:30 – 8
Open window, creep onto ledge, cry some more

8 – 9
Wipe tears, return to living room, watch “Dancing with the Stars”

9 – 10
Nap in front of TV

10 – 10:40
Roam house without glasses to find bedroom

10:40 – 50
Prepare for bed, brush teeth with hairbrush, apply anti-aging cream to face, boobs and thighs

10:50
Go to bed

10:50 – 11
Hot flash, change pajamas, sheets

11:00 – 1:30 a.m.
Elbow snoring husband

1:30 – 2:30
Sleep

2:30 – 2:35
Go to bathroom

2:35 – 2:40
Sleep

2:40 – 2:45
Go to bathroom

2:45 – 3
Sleep

3 – 4:30
Hot flash, elbow husband, go to bathroom, cry, climb onto ledge, go back to bed

4:30 – 7
Sleep

7:30 – 8
Search for shower, brush teeth, mistake husband’s shaving cream for toothpaste

8 – 8:20
Eat breakfast

8:20
Call optometrist

8:20 – 8:30
Begin search for car keys, cry