Parenting books for the masses

Beth Mende Conny of Write Directions and Lifenicity writes funny blog post on the best parenting books for babies, toddlers and other youngsters.I am a child-rearing expert. My qualifications: I’ve raised two children and have lived to tell the tale. Here are the books that saw me through the rough spots:

What joy of what sex?
For parents who believe that having a kid is the ultimate form of birth control. Each chapter offers practical advice on getting the old engines humming again. Includes tips on staying awake during sex.

How will I tell my child the facts of life when I can’t remember what they are?
A primer for parents who are not yet ready for What joy of what sex? Comes complete with pictures that clearly identify body parts whose purposes have been forgotten. Has a special chapter on storks, cabbage patches and immaculate conception.

Teach your child four-letter words in three days
Teaches parents how to expand their child’s vocabulary within three days to include the six essential four-letter words in the English language: no-no, stop, don’t, down, stay and heel.

Zen and the art of diaper changing
Teaches parents how to make each diaper change an opportunity for spiritual development. Comes with a cassette of Top Ten mantras, including the ever-popular “Om … om … om going to dock your allowance if you don’t keep still.”

How to talk to your spouse
For couples who want to rekindle the intellectual fires that parenthood has all but snuffed out. Exercises take readers from the formation of simple, three-word sentences, such as, “It’s your turn,” to complex, eight-word constructs like, “Hey, don’t blame me; he’s your kid too.”

Five minutes alone in the bathroom and other dream vacations
A parent’s guide to vacation spots in or close to home. Includes articles by parents on their favorite vacations, including: “How I lost my daughter in the supermarket and had the best 10 minutes of my life.” Comes with maps of places to hide in.

As I said, these books saw me through my child-rearing years. I’ve since moved on to books about parenting adult children. The first: Would it really kill you to call your mother?

One Response to Parenting books for the masses

  1. Betsy June 27, 2014 at 1:55 pm #

    Read this with tears streaming from laughing so much. Immediately read it to Gene with repeat of the above—-both of us howling. This should be in mainstream media. Thanks!